As humans, we are relationship-based and we want to be connected with other people. However, every relationship is different and you have to find the right person to vibe with you well. But how will you approach a person when sometimes people are afraid of commitment? How will you know if he or she is interested with you through your conversation? Get some relationship advice and explore the different perspectives of men and women when it comes to dating and relationships as Brendan is joined by YouTube fitness enthusiast Brittany Lesser.
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How To Get A Hot Girl with Brittany Lesser
Relationship Advice 101
We are sitting here with Brittany Lesser. The cool thing about Brittany is number one, there’s going to be another podcast coming out with her, way more in-depth about who she is, how she’s become the person that she is. She’s also a mother. She lives in California. She has a lot of incredible things going for her, some new things planned as well that we’re not going to talk about too early here. I wanted to bring her on here as she is in town to talk about relationships and more specifically as a single man. What I wanted to talk about are relationships and more specifically how to catch the eye of a woman or even getting to a dating relationship and eventually a real intimate, serious relationship with a woman. How do you get to that point? At first, it starts with catching the eye. I wanted to bring you on here and let’s chat about this stuff. The floor is yours. Number one, if I’m walking into the gym because a lot of people are fitness people that are reading. If I walk into the gym and I see a good looking girl and she has her headphones on. How do I get her attention? Let’s start there.
I feel like the best course of action would be to smile and make eye contact some way somehow. Wait until she’s looking towards your way or something like that. I feel like if you catch her eye, you will regardless and she’ll look at you. I know for me I am very shy. I will never speak to anyone, especially at the gym. It depends on who I’m with too. I feel like I’m more open when I’m with someone that I feel comfortable with. When I’m by myself I’m so shy. If I see a cute guy and who catches my eye, if he looks at me and smiles and that’s the go-ahead or if I smiled back, if I make eye contact with you.
I’m walking down the street and a girl and me, we really eye each other. Does that mean I should go talk to her?
At least you should smile and see if she smiles back because I’ve walked past the hot guy before and I’m like, “He’s cute,” but I’m not going to be the first one to smile. There’s no way. Maybe that’s who I am.
What if you’ve smiled and the other person smiles, but it’s too late because they’re passing by. You turn around. Is it looking a little desperate?
Yes, it could. If you’re literally passing each other though, how else would you do it? Unless you walk back and say, “I’m so sorry to bother you. You’re beautiful.”
Is that big time when a man comes up to you? Boys, you’ve got to call yourself a man. If you’re a boy right now and you’re a teenager and you’re reading this, you’re a man officially, be a man. I walk up to you and I say, “I had to tell you but you are absolutely gorgeous.” Is that solid or no?
It depends on the girl. I know that’s not great advice because you can be going in blind, but it depends and especially if she’s attracted to you. If she smiles back at you, that’s when I think it’s okay. If you’re passing by and she doesn’t look at you and doesn’t smile, do not turn around. That’s a sure sign that she doesn’t want you to talk to her.
We’re getting somewhere.
Eye contact and smiling, that’s the first thing.
Smile is very important. It’s eye contact and smile.
I feel like you can tell with her vibe.
I want to split this out there for all of you men, wherever you are. There’s something that I do it’s like a big flirt move, but it is that eye contact thing. I wasn’t used to like going into the gym or whatever and like making eye contact with somebody. I have insecurity within myself. I don’t want to bother someone. I don’t want to be that bothersome person. That’s the majority of us. One thing I do is if I ever lock eyes with someone especially if I’m out dancing or whatever it is, I don’t move my eyes. It’s so interesting that when you don’t peer anywhere else, they’re cranking their neck. They’re breaking their neck to try and get away. It’s like a lock on a sniper.
If you make eye contact with a girl and she looks away immediately, she’s not interested. That’s like, “I accidentally made eye contact with this guy. I need to walk away.”
You make eye contact and you go up. What are some phrases that you could say, “I want to let you know you’re absolutely gorgeous?” What do you do?Every relationship is different. Click To Tweet
“I’d love to get to know you sometime,” or I don’t know. That never happened to me.
I think that’s a sad thing.
It’s because I have a big resting bitch face. Usually, if I’m walking past a guy and I’m not interested, I will not look at him or if I accidentally looked at him, I look away immediately and I don’t smile.
If a man went up to you and you were attracted to him and he said, “I wanted to let you know you’re streaming gorgeous. I’d love to get to know you.” What would you do? You’d be like, “That’s a confident man.”
Confidence is sexy for sure.
How do you show that confidence after that?
It’s the line between confident and creepy. It’s only creepy if she’s not interested.
You have a conversation with her and you go on a date.
You can FaceTime first.
What’s your thought on FaceTime? I’m the type of person, I’ll even meet someone one time or even meet someone on social media one time. They’ll give me the number, I’ll FaceTime them. They answered, “What is going on?” They love it because they’re like, “No other person does this with me.”
I used to hate it until I started doing it. Only when I’m attracted to a guy obviously. If he FaceTimes me, I feel it’s more personal. I hate talking on the phone and then texting, I feel like you don’t get the full understanding of how they are, how they act or things like that. FaceTime is like you’re on a date. You’re getting to know them before the actual date so you can tell, “Is this going to be shit or not?”
Also, what is your thought about calling someone out or putting on the table? It’s setting your intention, number one. That’s obviously important, “I want to get to know you. I’m looking for someone to date. I’m not in a rush but I would love to get to know you.” That’s obviously important.
Whatever you said was amazing because most men don’t want that. They want to date to fuck.
That’s what you think and that’s what a lot of women think. The truth is deep down what men want is that teddy bear at night to hug and cuddle to comfort them because it’s their shit coming up. That’s what it is. They’re scared of commitment and that’s another big thing. Where was I getting at? You’re sitting down with a woman. You’re getting to know them or whatever and they don’t show up on time or they’re late or they do this or that.
The woman or the man?
The woman. Is it attractive to a female when a man tells you, “I’m looking for this in my life and you’re not showing up?” It’s plain and simple. “You said you were going to do this and you didn’t.” Is that attractive?
I don’t think so.
Because maybe there was traffic, I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t want to get there on time. She’s like, “I’ll be fashionably late.”
I don’t mean if it’s one time. I’m giving this example because I’ve done this. I do this with every girl that I’ve ever talked to. If they’re doing something and it’s not serving them and it’s not serving me. For instance, I sent a four-minute voice mail to a girl one time. I wasn’t responding to her text messages. Finally I was like, “I’m going to tell her.” I was like, “Here’s the deal. I’m looking for somebody. I’m not serious about dating but I am willing to date. The way you show up for me even as a friend is disrespectful to me and what I’m looking for. More importantly, it’s disrespectful to you and what you’re looking for. You’ve done this several times and it keeps on happening. Honestly, it doesn’t serve me in my life. I’d love to be in your life but if you keep on doing that, I want nothing to be a part of that.” Is that attractive?
It depends. I can say it from my perspective, but every person is going to have different things that they’re attracted to or someone would be offended. Some people would definitely be offended if you said that.
Do you think that you should be with that person? From my perspective, if you are open and honest with someone that much, that’s what everybody needs.
Setting boundaries from the get-go is important and setting intentions. Most people aren’t used to doing that. Most people play games, especially with dating.
It’s like Tinder and it’s turned into one big game online. It’s these swipes and now you have the super likes.
It’s also like, “Should I text him back right away?” Don’t ask shit like that. I’m like, “Are we twelve?” For me for example, I tell it how it is. I’m honest. I’m open. I’m vulnerable. Even with anyone, I’m like, “This is what I’m looking for. This is I’m not looking for,” or whatever it is or, “I’m not going to play these childish games.” Some people, that’s what they’re used to or they’re like, “Should I call them back right away or should I wait until he calls me?” I’ll be honest. I still think of that sometimes too, especially because I’ve been in situations where I’ve given everything,” and I didn’t get the same thing in return. I’m like, “Maybe it’s because I wasn’t a little more standoffish.” I’ve heard that scientifically, guys need to chase. A lot of women I’ve heard that. It’s in your DNA that you have to work towards something for you to value it. It’s like, “Maybe I need to make him work for it. Maybe I need to be a little bit late.” Do you know what I mean?
Basically, what you’re saying is that we should all give up and there’s no hope. What I’m taking from that is be yourself, set your intentions with the other person, be honest with them from A to Z and everything will come to be the way it needs to be or the way you want it to be because every relationship is different.
The right person will vibe with you. If you go to a girl and you’re like, “This isn’t serving me.” She’s like, “I’m offended or whatever it is.” She’s not the right one. Maybe another goal would be like, “Rip your clothes off right now.” Maybe she’d think that’s super hot. That’s more of a fit for you than the other girls.
You are a female and you’ve been through a long process of dating and vice versa. I have as well, but I’m on the man’s side. This is the tricky part because people are afraid of commitment all the time. They’re so afraid of commitment. When you get to that commitment level and I liked this girl. I’m digging this. Where is that point where you’re like, “We should be exclusive or we should build a relationship together? Do you want to be my number one, my girlfriend?” How do you make that transition? Is it honesty and being intentional with it?
Whenever you feel something, you say how you feel. I’ve even been in a place where I was falling in love with someone and I’m like, “Should I tell them or should the guy be the first one to say I love you?” I was like, “Fuck it.” In one of my other relationships, I never said it and he never said it. A year later he’s like, “I do love you. Why don’t you ever say it?” I’m like, “I did too. I didn’t say either.” We were young. We were scared and whatever it is. I’m like, “Fuck it. I’m going to say it first.” Why are these gender roles? If you feel something, you should tell the person because people are guessing. They’re wondering where you stand. You’re wondering where they stand it. It’s like, “Are we in high school anymore or no?”
I joke around with some of the people that I work with and these girls didn’t like influencers. After a long day, I’d be like, “It’s been a long day. I’ve had a lot to think about. To be honest, when I think about you and me, we’re working together and our relationship is great. Can you please send me the document in the morning that I need?” They’ll be like, “What the fuck? I thought you were about to say that you liked me.” It’s great. Basically long story short, take care of yourself, number one. It’s always the most important. Be intentional, that’s taking care of yourself because when you’re intentional and you’re saying exactly how you feel towards someone, you’re standing for what you believe in and what you’re passionate about. That’s a relationship or not a relationship. If you want to hook up with someone, tell them and be like, “I want to have sexual intercourse.” I would never say that. Be intentional, be honest and know what you want. If you’re confused, that means that there are other areas of your life that are causing that confusion. We are relationship-based. We’re humans. We’re connected. Why not pursue? If you feel something, pursue it.Whenever you feel something, you need to practice saying it. Click To Tweet
Knowing what you want is important because some people don’t know what they want, they go for something and they get stuck and they’re like, “I still don’t know what I want,” three years later. They still are confused.
I’ve almost lost hope of dating a woman in the way of, I don’t know if I can trust certain people. People are flaky. This keeps on happening. I have so much trust in other people, but it’s like trust in that connection and that relationship long-term. It’s not so much about trusting them and what they’re going to do.
It’s like you think that something is going to go bad at some point.
It’s more so like, “What is this? Is this person emotionally even available?” That’s my biggest thing is, “Is he or she emotionally available?” Because I’ve spent a lot of time and energy sending roses or I sent words of affirmation. I said this, I said that. It eventually was a shot down because they were emotionally unavailable. Opening up that space, opening up your heart for that, it’s sharky waters.
It’s scary. A lot of people don’t heal themselves and everyone goes through heartbreak and everyone goes through shit. They don’t heal themselves. They keep jumping into relationships and they’re not ready. They don’t know what they want. They’re not emotionally available. It’s a huge cycle of fuckery and no one heals.
People are afraid to be alone to not be with someone.
They’re also afraid to be with someone. It’s a weird comment.
Personally, where I’m at is I’m open to dating. I’m open to getting to know people or whatever where I lack the most. I can be vulnerable. I can be authentic. I can get there, go there and be intentional and all that. It’s that first step of like, “Is this even worth me going up to this girl saying, “What’s up?” and go to text her, doing all of this stuff and finding out that she’s emotionally unavailable?” People can take a lesson from me sharing this is that we all deal with that. We all deal with different areas where we struggle with these relationships. All it matters is it’s almost like you’re an entrepreneur. That’s what it is. It’s like entrepreneurship. You’re working towards building a business and it’s not easy. Becoming a professional in something is not easy.
People forget that it takes work.
You’ve got to be pro you before you can be pro anything else. Take the next step and go talk to someone. I’m going to talk to someone. I’ll look at somebody, I look at them in their eyes and stare them down. I’d be like, “You are mine. Get over here.”
It’s your mindset. If you have the mindset like, “This isn’t going to be worth it. This is going to go to shit.” It’s like that manifestation, the Law of Attraction. I’ve been through things too where I’m like, “Can I ever trust anyone again?” It’s up to me to trust someone. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone is emotionally unavailable. Not everyone is afraid of commitment, even though it feels that way. Even though a lot of people have been through that and they’re like, “I have no hope.” It’s up to you. It’s either that or you’re going to be alone forever.
I’m not big into friends with benefits at all. The fact is, honestly for me, I find no connection in it. I’ll be the horniest fuck for a certain amount of time, but we crave connection.
For me, sex is emotional and intimate. The best sex is when you’re in love with someone. I feel like a lot of friends with benefits you end up falling. I feel it’s hard for people not to catch feelings. I haven’t been in situations like that a lot.
For me, if I hook up with a girl, I feel so bad.
Most of the time, it’s not good unless you do it multiple times.
I don’t even know how to do that. It’s such an interesting thing that I’ll hook up with somebody, I’ll be like, “I can’t talk to her. I can’t see a future with her. What am I doing?” She texted me. I’m like, “What do you want?”
That’s what I mean, that’s why when people are friends with benefits, they like the other person because you have to. I don’t know.
I’d rather be in a relationship with someone before I have sex with them. Other people are completely different. A lot of people, they enjoy the sexual side of it first. I don’t know how to do that because once I have sex with someone, that’s a sacred moment that wasn’t so sacred. There’s not a lot of intimacy around that.
I’ve been in positions where I’m like, “I don’t usually sleep with anyone on the first date.” The only times I’ve ever done that I was like, “I’m not that interested in him.” Maybe it ended up the opposite way. I haven’t slept a lot of people. I’ve been in that position where I’m like, “I’m not that interested in him.”
This is the one last thing that I want to do. When you’re in this relationship and you’re starting in a relationship, you’re dating, you have the potential to have sex, do you do it before you’re dating? Before you were like a committed relationship?
I’ve dated a guy where I wasn’t that into him and it took months for us to have sex too. I’ve been on both ends. I haven’t been in that many committed relationships.
Two to three.
I’ve been in one. The other one this girl was cheating on me. Not many people know this, but I was “abstinent” obviously clearly not, but I was a virgin until I was 21.
I was a virgin until I was seventeen. I had sex one time. I didn’t have sex again until I was twenty. My first relationship wasn’t that long. My longest relationship was my most recent one, which was a little over two years.
Mine was two years too. We’ve been in a relationship for four years. One of my best friends has been in a relationship with his whole fucking life.
I’ve been single more than I’ve been in a relationship.
I’ve been halfies my whole life, like not single but in relationships.
I spent years being single, not even hooking up with anyone.
Thank you so much for coming on here. For our audience, mommies included, one thing I’ll say is that Brittany is an incredible person. You can check her out on Instagram. What’s your Instagram?
We’ll look it up on Instagram and we’ll find both of you. You can check her out. We’re going to dive into who she is, where she came from, what she’s been doing, how she’s created not only an incredible young boy in Grayson but also new projects. Things that you’re working on, building and stuff and be able to be successful in the online marketing space, not only marketing but social media space. Everyone tune in for that here in the near future. Thanks so much for coming on. Thank you, everyone. Thank you again for following. Thanks for following for another episode of the show. Remember to follow me on Instagram and message me, tell me what’s up, like, what’s going on in your life and tell me anything and everything. I’ll take criticism. I’ll take whatever you’ve got to tell me. We’ll see you next time. Peace.