Episode 70: Getting Past Traumas With Madison Rice

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Episode 70: Getting Past Traumas With Madison Rice

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Dealing with trauma is a touchy subject because many people don’t quite understand the severity of its effects on them on their own. But dealing with trauma is a part of growing, and you must not let it be a hindrance to moving forward with your life. Brendan Myers sits down with Madison Rice, a Denver-based personal trainer who specializes in Crossfit and Olympic Lifting. Together, they delve into the subject of trauma, and illustrate a small part of a process that has one confront their trauma. Perhaps there’s something in your past that’s holding you back from performing at your absolute best? If so, let Brendan and Madison show you a way towards facing your trauma, and learning to let it work for you.

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Getting Past Traumas With Madison Rice

True Healing

I’m excited to have a good friend here. If this is your first time reading, you’re up for a ride. I like to come on here and have a podcast every Tuesday with a guest. Then every single Friday, we have QuickTime Fridays, which are quick. They’re unfiltered. I’d like to get into a discussion and talk about different topics and have fun with the podcast and let it flow wherever it flows. I’ve heard some incredible reviews. I’ve seen and read incredible reviews of the podcast and I thank you so much for it. If you ever want to pick up seven free gifts from CreateU to you, give us a review and enter your email. We’ll send you seven free gifts for writing a review on iTunes only. Another thing is CreateU Nutrition. CreateU is not only about the podcast, it’s also not only about supplements, but it’s also about igniting your breakthrough and bringing your vision to life. That is the tagline. CreateU Nutrition is one of the ways that we give back. We have innovative products at an incredible price. We’re affordable. We try and stay as natural as possible. You can check out all of our products at CreateUNutrition.com whenever you’d like.

We have my friend, Madison Rice. @Ricebowll, noodle bowl, I love the Instagram name. I’m excited to have her here because she and I have been able to connect over here in Denver, Colorado. Maybe you don’t know, I moved from LA to Denver pretty much out of the blue. I was in town and I was like, “I’m going to make the move. Fuck it.” I came here and one of the first people that I was told to meet or say hello to because of my good and close team member, Sahara, is Ricebowll. Ever since I’ve been like “Noodle bowl, Ricebowll,” because she’s such an interesting person. I am here to discover more about her as much as you guys are. To get in the mind and see how we can not only ignite her breakthrough but ignite the breakthrough of yourself and the vision of yourself. Madison, that was a big intro. How do you feel about that? 

I’m impressed with how well you can talk. You don’t stop.

You told me to record a podcast called the Go Go Go Mindset. If you did not read that, go ahead and jump over there. It’s on the QuickTime Friday. Let me ask you to start, why did you want me to talk about the Go Go Go Mindset? What intrigued you about that?

Because I don’t have it and it’s inspiring.

When you say you don’t have it, where does that come from? Why do you feel like you don’t have this Go, Go, Go mindset?

I get discouraged easily with failure and I don’t take that as a learning lesson too well. I let it beat me down a little bit. Whereas you, on the other hand, you use that to put a fire under your ass.

Where does that come from? Where do you feel like that? We’re jumping deep into it. Where does that like, “I don’t want to light a fire on my ass. I want to take the victim’s root?” That’s what it is. It’s like, “This sucks. I don’t know what to do. This is uncomfortable. I’m confused. I don’t even know where to pursue.” Where does that come from? Where have you confronted that in your life? Maybe it started when you were a kid, when you were working, maybe in a relationship. Where do you feel like that started?

I haven’t had a lot of support growing ups and I have fallen on my ass a lot and haven’t gotten much help getting up. Maybe I thought taking the victim route would have people help me more, have people feel bad for me. That’s pretty much all I can think of, not having a solid support system growing up.

Let me ask you something. We’re going to get into a little bit more about you, in general, and why you are who you are. This pretty much is part of it. Growing up, what if you did have all that support? How do you feel like it could have changed you?

I feel like with more support and love, especially in the household, I would have been more inspired to do better or be more. Not having that, I wasn’t inspired and I didn’t care about myself or my success too much. That carried into a relationship I got into and friendships, people not caring about me and leaving me behind. I haven’t been inspired to do a lot because I didn’t have anyone to share victories with or have anyone care.

What if everything that you’re saying is all perspective? Whatever you talk about yourself is pretty much your reality. If you wanted to be heard or be seen for doing this or that or whatever, you would be seen or heard doing that. You playing a victim or you fall on your ass and maybe crying instead of anybody helping you up or any of those things. What if people did see you when that happened, which they probably did? That was your motivation. It was like, “I’m going to do this so that people do see me or hear me a little bit more.” It was in a negative connotation for yourself and it was in a negative way. Every perspective that we create is just that, what we’ve created. I could, on the other hand, win a bunch of trophies and break my leg and then win another trophy for me. Do you know what people are going to do? See me. They’re going to hear me.

On the other hand, you might break your leg and then never compete again. You can talk about how shitty it was or whatever it is. You know what people are still going to do? See you and hear from you. They’re going to see or hear you in a different light. Let’s go back to who you are before we jump in super deep. There’s much here and you’re a beautiful person. I could see it. I know it. I can see how much you’re capable of and how much you are doing even now that you don’t even realize you’re doing. We’ll jump into it. What makes you, you? First of all, what are some of your hobbies? What are some things that you love to do?

I’m big into Olympic lifting. I come from a bodybuilding background but slowly transitioned into Olympic lifting. When I’m not in the gym, I like going to coffee shops. I’m big on the coffee shop culture. I go there to read and write. I also have a bad addiction to video games.

Do you feel like it’s a bad addiction, though? 

Not really.

Why did you say bad addiction?

I probably spend a little too much time playing video games rather than being a productive person.

Do you feel like playing video games is not productive? 

Building my business doesn’t have anything to do with playing video games.

What if you looked at the video games that you play as something that is beneficial to your life, that brings you a stress release that brings you something that you do enjoy, that you are passionate about? Maybe it’s playing Call of Duty. It could be World of Warcraft for one person or it could be a shooter game, whatever it is. What if you looked at it from that perspective like it wasn’t a bad thing and that it was positive to your day? 

There’s that mindset thing again.

You have that mindset. You don’t see it. You don’t see that your video games are a plus. You go into a coffee shop and being interested in the coffee, all of that stuff is a plus. You don’t realize that powerlifting or Olympic lifting is a plus into your life. Do you know people can’t find any interest in pretty much anything?

Yeah, that’s true.

Pat yourself on the back because you’ve already made leaps and bounds. Tell us more about who you are? Who is Madison Rice? 

Do you want to hear my life story?

You don’t have to tell us your life story, but who are you?

Still trying to figure that out, Brendan.

You already have it in you and you figured out a way more than you could ever imagine. Let me give you an example. Where do you come from? 

Reading, Pennsylvania.

What does that place mean to you?

Smells like mushrooms, but my family’s there and that’s what’s most important.

Why is the family most important to you? 

Because my dad and my brothers have always been there for me.

They’ve always been there for you, right? 

Yes.

When you fell on your ass and you were crying, who helped you up?

No one. They weren’t around at that.

How does that make you feel? 

I was living in Iowa at that time and they were in Pennsylvania, it was hard for them to stop some abuse that was going on at that point.

We don’t have to jump into that, but I want you to look at all these perspectives. You have people that love you and they do support you. Even when you were falling on the ground and whatever the case may be, did you know that they subconsciously or even consciously, it maybe not even knowing that you were going through specific things, they were there for you, were they still supporting you?

Yeah. I wasn’t vocal with them about what was going on fully.

This is where we’re getting into the real good shit. Are you vocal with everybody? 

No.

When you’re on social media because you have a social media following. She has social media and she’s badass. She is a great Olympic lifter. She is extremely knowledgeable and she’s funny. She’s quirky. She loves headbanging. She’s awesome and amazing. When you talk about video games, when you talk about all this stuff and you don’t talk or open up too much, your social media, what is it that holds you back? What holds you back from picking up your phone, looking at your Instagram story and speaking? I’ll tell you this much. A lot of people that are reading have the same problem. Not only with Instagram stories, but with connection with this person. Maybe your boyfriend, your best friend, your mom, your dad, your cousin, your coworker, whoever it is, they have trouble speaking up. What is it that holds you back?

We talked about this. I feel like people don’t care what I have to say. I have a good social media following, but nothing compared to yours, for example. I feel like I’m irrelevant.

Let me give you a different perspective. You think that it’s nothing compared to mine, but let me tell you something. One person is not more important than another person whether you have 25,000, 340,000, 1 million, 5 million or 10 million, nobody’s social media following. Is any more important or greater than others. Each person holds the lives of a million people. You ever thought about that? 

I guess not.

When you look into someone’s eyes, what do you see? 

A soul.

CUE 70 | Dealing With Trauma

What does that soul mean to you? 

That’s everything. That’s who you are.

What if that soul impacts a million people in their lifetime? You ever thought about it like that? 

You did a good job.

No, you impact a million people throughout your lifetime. Think about this. You walk into the grocery store, you open up the door, you impacted one person’s life. They feel appreciation for you opening up that door. That person maybe ignites something for them. Maybe they opened up another door for someone else, then another person. Soon enough, all these people are learning because of you. You’ve thought about that?

No.

When you’re talking to your Instagram story, when you’re talking to someone, you’re opening up to someone, when you’re speaking to that person, do your story, you’re impacting millions of lives and you don’t even know it. You don’t even see it. What holds you back mostly from speaking up?

I’m a pretty shy person. It’s hard to speak up sometimes. I wasn’t heard growing up. Some of the most important people in my life didn’t care what I had to say, care about my feelings. That’s carried with me throughout my life. Me speaking up is never a thing.

Has there ever been a time where you felt comfortable speaking up?

Yes.

When?

I don’t know.

Was there a time that you can pinpoint that you’re like, “People heard me, I’m saying this?” How about an Instagram post? You ever wrote an Instagram post that was deep or about something and people were like, “I appreciate you writing that or I love that Instagram story?” Anything?

When I talk about my eating disorder, I get positive feedback with that.

Why?

I’m being vulnerable and honest about what I went through. A lot of people can relate to that.

Did you know that every person can relate to every person in this world in some way, shape or form? That’s because we all have brains. We all have eyes. Some of us can’t see, but we still have those eyes, legs, arms. We walk. Everybody walks, the majority of people. We all have sadness. We all have happiness. Have you ever been sad before? 

Absolutely.

I’ve been sad many times in my life. We can relate. What if I talk about the things that I’m going through consistently? What if I talk about my wins? What if I talk about the negative shit that pushed me down but I pushed through to my social media to people around me? What do you think happens? 

People message you and thank you.

More importantly, they relate to you. All talking is a way to relate to someone. It’s a form of communication. Do you know what we are as human beings? We are communicators. That’s who we’re supposed to be. When you’re not communicating or you’re not opening up or you’re not saying something, what are you doing? You’re discounting yourself. You’re not being who you’re supposed to be. How do you feel like you can start? This is going to translate into your business. Every area of your life, the second you start to say, “I don’t care if people hear me or not. I’m still going to say.” What’s the first step that you can do? 

Just do it. Stop making excuses for myself.

What does doing it mean to you?

Going on my story and talking. Every day, I record something, I’m like, “I’m going to do it.” I’m going to go on, I’m going to talk about my day, talk about something that upset me or something that made me happy. A win or a lose anything, anything. I’ll record something and then I’ll delete it. I’m like, “Why would people ever want to hear this?” I have to stop caring.

What are you afraid of more than anything? It’s not about people not hearing you. What are you afraid of? 

It's so easy to get discouraged by failure that you end up not taking it as a learning lesson. Click To Tweet

Judgment.

What type of judgment?

Negative opinions of me. I feel irrelevant. People would be like, “Why is she talking like her following is relevant, like she’s relevant?”

Where does that irrelevancy come from?

I don’t know. I’ll talk about that in therapy next week.

At least you go to therapy. I feel like everybody should go to therapy. It’s not bullshitting yourself. We all have shit that we’re going through and it’s a beautiful thing. Where does your feeling irrelevant come from? Think about it. Where have you felt irrelevant in your life when you were growing up?

My relationship with my mother.

What does that relationship mean to you? 

Nothing anymore.

Anymore?

I care about her.

Do you love her? 

Yeah.

You do. She’s the mother that you came out of her. There’s a whole different connection though. You ever been in love before? 

Yes.

Did that relationship end? 

Yes.

Do you still have a love for that person? 

Yeah.

Will it ever leave? No. Because you’re not in love with that person, but you have a love for them. It’s because of the connection. Once this connection is established, it’s always being there. If something was built and then the entire city around it transforms and becomes this beautiful crazy city in it, that becomes this small little building and the entire city, is the small little building still there?

Yes.

What does this relationship with your mother mean to you? In a perfect world, what would you want it to be?

Us even having a relationship in general.

In a perfect world, what would you want your relationship with your mother to be?

I would want to be close to her and be able to share life experiences with her.

CUE 70 | Dealing With TraumaTo cry with her and tell her about boys, say this or that, right?

Yeah.

Do you feel like if you did establish that relationship that you would be way more confident in other areas and feel heard from other people and feel like you could express yourself to other a little bit more? Do you feel like that was there and that was present in your life?

Yeah, I feel like I’d probably be a little better off right now if I had that relationship.

Do you believe that you can ever have that relationship with her?

No.

I don’t even want to go into the specifics, but why not? Why don’t you believe? You can say because of past experiences, you could say whatever.

Because of all the stuff that she’s put me through in my life, I will never be able to forgive her for.

There was a court case that happened. It was nationally televised. This guy shot a mother. There were two kids. There was a sixteen-year -old. 

Didn’t she lock him?

I’m not sure exactly which case it was, but it’s more principle. She said to the kid that was on the stand and she was crying and was like, “I forgive you because I know that you made the biggest mistake of your entire life.” When the kid walked up the stand, she hugged him. Why do you believe she was able to forgive him?

Forgiving would probably help her grow and heal

You said to me you’ll never be able to forgive your mom. Why?

It’s hard to. I haven’t reached that point in my life yet where I’m ready to forgive her.

When will you ever be ready? Your stories, when will you ever be ready to post a story? When will you ever be able to get married? When will you ever be ready to start this diet? When will you ever be ready to start your personal training? When will you ever be ready to move here, move there, take on this opportunity to eat this, to not do that, to say yes, to say no? When are you ever ready?

You’re never ready. You have to do it.

Why are you never ready? Life isn’t some beautiful like, “By the way, in five minutes this person’s going to call you and when they call you, this is how it’s going to happen.” No, you can’t prepare for shit. You could say a million things, go into your ex-boyfriend’s in a room or go to a coffee shop with an ex-boyfriend and you’re like, “I’m going to say this.” You walk in and you’re like, “What was I going to say? He looked at me.” You can’t prepare for anything. How do you believe that you are going to be a great personal trainer? How do you believe that you’re going to be successful, that you’re going to start talking to people, that you’re going to open up if you will never forgive your mother? That is the closest thing to you. It’s mind-blowing. The fact is, I never grew in my life up until I forgave people.

When I forgave people, it wasn’t about forgiving them. It was about taking ownership of me and the things that I can control. I said, “I forgive you for whatever you did, but I don’t see you as this person. I see you as an incredible light. I see you as a visionary. I see you as something beautiful. I know you went through shit, but I know that you’re a better person. I don’t see you ass a piece of shit. I don’t see you like this and this. This is how I felt. Now, this is how I feel about you and that’s how I want to feel about you and will feel about you for the rest of my life.” 

Someone stole $4,000 from me. I still didn’t pursue the cops. I didn’t do anything. The same kid that steals $4,000 from me, I’ve helped out, took from the streets to give them a videography position in my home. He lived with me for a little bit. He lived out of his car. I help this kid so much, but still stole from me. I can either be like, “Fuck this guy. I’m going to get his ass.” I have the capabilities to do that. Instead of doing that, I forgave him and I said, “Bro, I know you’re going through way more shit than I could ever imagine.” Your mom, do you know what she went through when she grew up? 

A little bit.

Imagine if you were in her shoes when she was growing up. What if she is the way she is because of all the scenarios that she never fixed? What if you keep on growing up, you get older and older and you don’t adjust all this stuff that’s going on? You have kids, your kids have kids and now you’re a grandmother. How do you think you’re going to be showing up for them? If you never forgive your mom, what if you say something to your kid and she never forgives you? How would you feel? 

A little shitty. I have been making strides in that healing process. I would’ve never even concluded that my mom is a person and she had her shit going on. She was hurting and she was going through a lot. A few months ago, I didn’t have that mindset. Whereas now, I realize she probably had a lot going on and that’s why she didn’t show up for me. That’s why she didn’t love me. That’s why she didn’t care about me. I can realize that and I’ve been thinking about reaching out to her, and saying like, “I forgive you, but this is what our relationship is. It’s not going to be anything more than this, but I forgive you.”

Why?

She’s a toxic person and she will never realize what she did to me and what she did to my brothers.

Why will she never realize?

Especially online, people appreciate what you have to say when you're vulnerable and honest about your experiences. Click To Tweet

She needs help and she’s not getting that help. She will never confess that she fucked up bad.

Do you believe that you can transform? 

Yes.

Do you believe that if someone sleeping in their car that they can make it to the NBA one day? 

Yes.

Do you believe that if someone goes to jail for 10, 15, 20 years for whatever it is, that they can come out a change and transform the person? 

Absolutely.

Why do you believe that your mother will never be able to get to the point where she realizes what she did, takes ownership of herself and rekindles a relationship with all of you and finds love once again?

We’ve all tried.

Listen to what you said. You said all these other people, all these other things, it’s possible but then when it comes to your mother, the closest thing to you say, “It’s impossible.” Do you believe that you can become who you want to be? 

I do.

The preparation is never going to be there because you can’t prepare for what’s to come. Your mom could walk in to where were you are tomorrow and be like, “I fucked up. I did this.” You have no clue. You have zero clues. You don’t know what’s going to happen. How can you prepare? It’s with an open heart. It’s with healing yourself. It’s not about healing her. You’ll never be able to heal her and no one will be able to heal her except for herself. Sometimes people will never heal themselves because they can’t get to that point because nobody supports them. Nobody will go to bat for them even if they hate it, whatever it is. Many people have messed up in their lives, murder, drug abuse, this, that. They’ve taken a complete 180 and transformed their life. Let me ask you honestly, what do you think is the first step in you transforming yourself?

Dealing with my traumas for sure because I can’t go forward unless I fix what’s going on in here.

If you always have open wounds and you’re showering in alcohol, it’s always going to burn. What do you need to do with these wounds? 

Patch them up.

Not just patch them up. That’s the way society thinks, “We need to patch up these wounds because that’s what’s going to heal them.” No, we need to put the proper antibiotics on them or we need to put the specific things on them so that we know that it is healing. Why do we go to a chiropractor once we’re hurt? How are we out of alignment that we always need to go see someone once we’re hurt or we need fixing? Why can’t we be a preventative like a society where we’re always maintaining our health and maintaining our strengths and everything that we have so that our weaknesses don’t knock us off the trail? Let me ask you again, what’s the first step in you becoming who you want to be with your work, with your relationships, with your communication, with the way that you show up?

Putting antibiotics on my wounds and going to the chiropractor before my back hurts.

Your mom is the injury in a way? 

Yeah.

You’re going to get to a point where it’s not much going to be an injury anymore. It’s going to be something that you’re going to have to maintain. For me, I have herniations in my low back. Doesn’t matter what I say, what I do. I have herniations in my low back and I was injured. It’s significantly has impacted my life. I can go through the rehab process. It sucks by the way. It’s shitty and annoying. I have to think about the way I’m standing, the way I was sitting, the way I’m grabbing the pencil, washing the dishes, everything. Once I heal, what do I have to do? I have to be in this preventative maintenance plan or perspective for the rest of my life so that I don’t get injured again. With your mother, it’s interesting that we’re talking about your mom because this is clearly what’s causing a lot of things in your life. What’s the first step for you to be able to heal that relationship?

Reaching out to her because she tries to get in contact with me in various different ways, and I haven’t talked to her in quite some time.

It’s because of resentment, pain. I’ve done this many times with people. You can gain something from this, from my experience. I was supposed to do an ad for Rubberbandits, and not even an ad. I told them, “I’ll post your resistance bands on my YouTube channel.” This is when I was killing it, 60,000 to 100,00 views per video. I did it for two years. For two years, I thought about it whether there is every day, every week. I always thought about it. Finally, after 2.5 years, I picked up my phone, I called the guy, we weren’t in contact anymore and I said, “I remember what I told you that I would make a video with your resistance bands in it and push people there and I never did it. I’m going to do it tomorrow.”

After 2.5 years, think about how much weight other shit holds on us when we push it to the back of our minds or when we say we’re going to do something but we don’t. How many times we say we’re going to do something and how much it weighs in the back of our minds as we grow. One year passes, by then another year passes by, “I’m not going to go on this diet. I’m not going to eat this. I’m not going to talk to this person. I don’t want to rekindle this. That’s not good enough for me. I don’t want to speak up. I don’t want to ask that question.” Soon enough, you become somebody that can’t ask the question because you haven’t asked the question your entire life.

You can consistently say, “I don’t know if I love my mom. I would love her in a perfect world, to be able to talk about stuff and her taking ownership,” whatever. What you’re saying is not even about the ownership. It’s not even about any of that. You want to be seen and heard by your mother and have a loving relationship where you can talk to her and she cares that you care. It’s great. It’s incredible. It’s rewarding. The fact is you’ll never get there and all you’re doing is hurting yourself more and more when you’re not pursuing that. That’s it. You have an opportunity in your life to be able to pursue that in some way, shape or form. You’re going to do it?

Yes.

CUE 70 | Dealing With TraumaWhy would you do it? 

Because I know I need to.

Why would you do it?

For myself.

Why would you do it? 

To grow and to help her as well.

Why would you do it? This is all stuff that you think is the reason for why you would do it. Why you would do it is because you want a loving relationship and you want to be able to provide to the world the way that you talk about it. You know without a doubt that all of this stuff is holding you back because of what?

I’m hurting a little bit.

You’re hurting a lot and this is the problem as well. I do this in my life as well. I discount my pain. I got shit that’s going through my mind. I’m a sad puppy. I will be real with it. I’m like, “I’m in pain.” That’s the truth of the matter. I’ve got herniations. I’m going through emotional shit, all these different stuff. It’s happening. That’s who I am and I embrace it. I don’t tell someone if they say, “How do you feel?” I’m like, “Uhm.” It’s not a guessing game for people. It doesn’t need to be. It’s, “I feel like shit right now. I feel sad. I’m in pain. I’m uncomfortable. I have these good things that are happening in my life, but this shit is fucking with me.” What happens? They want to support you, especially if they care about you. You know what you struggle with? Support. You rarely ask exactly what you want from people. I could guarantee it. Is that right? 

That’s 100%.

You only give a little bit. You say, “You want to go to the coffee shop?” You’ll say that 150 times. What you’re saying is, “Brendan, I have this problem and I see you. I’m inspired by you and I appreciate you so much. I need help. Can you be there for me?” What you’re afraid of is no.

Being vulnerable. That’s a little scary.

That is being vulnerable though. You’re afraid of the answer. You’re afraid of the action of the other person. Do you know why people’s relationships are fucked up and stuff? Because they can’t be real. They can’t say to someone else, “When you say this, you make me feel like this. This is why I feel this way or I do love you, but when you do this, it makes me feel unloved.”

I’ve never been able to have that open communication with people close to me.

The past. Today is when you start. What does a challenge that you can hold yourself accountable for starting today? I want two. One about your mom and two about your own life, about outside of your mom. What are two things that you can do that challenge yourself so much that make it hard that it almost makes you want to cry or cringe?

I’ve been wanting to write my mom a letter or an email telling her how I feel and what she did to me and why she made me feel that way.

Don’t make it about all that she did. The second you go into a conversation and you start pointing fingers, guards come up. Defense mechanisms. “No, I didn’t.” It becomes a shouting match. Do you think someone could be vulnerable if they’re shouting or upset or there’s a lot of emotion into it? What if you started the conversation with, “Mom, I have missed you. I’m hurting. This is how I feel. I would love for you to be in my life. We have a lot to work through. Are you willing to work through them with me?” What if you started off that way?

I have before and it didn’t end well.

What do you mean it didn’t end well? 

We argued and she never apologized for anything.

When did the argument come? She didn’t apologize. This is the problem that we face. Madison, I’m similar. You’ve got to understand, but this is the stuff that I’ve worked through and I’ve seen it time and time again. We keep telling ourselves at the end of the day, she didn’t apologize. What do you have control over?

Myself.

That’s it. If someone doesn’t apologize, that’s on them. What you can do is forgive on your side and keep it that way. When you argue with someone, who’s arguing?

You against yourself.

No, you’re arguing with the other person. When you’re in a relationship, who are you in a relationship with? The other person. If you’re in love, generally you’re both in love or when you like each other, you both like each other. It takes two to tango. What if you never argued? You say that you started it in that way, but start looking at it from a different perspective. This is what you’re doing for the rest of your life, honestly. It’s not just with your mom, it’s you’re in about 50% and then when that shit gets tough and the things start coming up, you go right back. You’re like, “No, but she didn’t take responsibility.”

Allow yourself to speak to the people around you - positive self-talk only. Click To Tweet

When you’re on your story, you make your story, you’re 50% in, you’re about to post it and you’re like, “No, all that nope. Done.” When you’re personal training, when you’re going up, you want to train someone, whatever it is, you’re invested. You feel like you’re on the ball. They walk into the door, but once you sit face-to-face with them and they start coming up with reasons why they can’t do it, retract. “I’m done. I can’t.” How do you get past that 50%? It’s that 1% after it. It’s that first little step. This is why I tell everyone around me it’s a baby step. When I talk about fucking baby step, if you take a human and they’re sprinting, let’s say it’s 100 yards and there’s a baby to the left of you, and there’s someone that’s going to fire off to say go, you need to be the baby in this journey.

Probably in the 100 yards, the baby’s going to learn how to crawl, then walk, then maybe a little faster walk and that’s it. How small those steps are and how long? If you gave a baby food, water, comfort, all these different things so that the baby had to go 100 yards, it would take them so long. It would almost be fucking painful to watch. It’ll be cute, at the 50-yard line, “Cute little baby.” At the end of the day, it’s going to be like, “She’s exhausting. Go. Come on, baby, walk, run. Can you please get to 100 yards?” That’s the way we need to approach our lives. You to have something unique about you. I can see it. Everybody can see it. You wouldn’t have 25,000 followers. You wouldn’t have somebody that’s saying this about you or whatever the whole amount of followers. You wouldn’t have someone that likes you or loves you in a relationship. You wouldn’t have your father that cares about you or your brothers or you wouldn’t have friends. You want to be on this fucking podcast if you didn’t have something unique about yourself.

That’s the beautiful thing is that everybody has something unique about themselves. When you start looking into their eyes as not just one person but one million people, Madison, your life will transform. When you look into your mom’s eyes, don’t look into the eyes of pain and a pissed off woman and someone that doesn’t care about you. Look into your mother’s eyes with love. Look into their eyes as a little baby, as someone that went through shit, as someone who is in more pain than you could ever imagine. I bet she’s in way more pain than you. Two challenges, what are you going to do the first challenge with mom? Go ahead.

Reach out to her with no expectations.

Are you going to give up on it? 

No.

If she argues with you, starts pointing fingers, what are you going to do? 

Not block her.

What are you going to do? 

Try and talk through it.

No, you’re not going to try. 

I’m going to talk through it.

You’re going get through it. As you develop that relationship, you’re not giving up. I won’t let you give up. You’re not going to give up on the relationship. The second you give up on the relationship, you’re giving up on your life. The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. You ever heard that before? 

I have.

The way you talk to this person, the way you invite this person, the way this happened, it relates to every other area of your life. The reason why I know you well and I don’t even know you well is because I’ve seen you do other things. I’m like, “I know how she acts in relationships. I know how she works with her business. I know how she reacts on her social media. I know how she does this and this,” because the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. The way you’re going to treat your mom is you’re not going to give up because you’re going to give up on yourself. You’re going to take control of your mind. When she reacts and gets upset or gets pissed off, let’s assume that she is going to, what are you going to do?

Be the bigger person.

Y going to be you. There are no bigger people. You’re not a bigger person. I’m not a bigger person. Just because she can’t deal with it doesn’t make her any less than you. What you’re going to do, you’re going to come from an open and loving mindset and acknowledge her. That’s it. Acknowledge what they’re saying and come with love. We can work through it. I’ll help you through this shit. It doesn’t matter to me. Number two, what’s another huge challenge for yourself? 

I’m going to talk on my story every day, look out everyone.

For how many days? 

Every day.

For how many days? 

Forever. The rest of my days.

You can’t say that. Bullshit, you won’t do that. For how long? Be realistic. Let’s do baby steps. 

I was going to say every day for a week.

Seven days. When are you starting?

CUE 70 | Dealing With Trauma

 

Today.

Your face is going to be on the camera. 

Unfortunately.

No.

I’m kidding, yes.

Your word is your world. You ever heard of that saying? Honestly, Madison, it’s not funny. 

I have self-deprecating humor.

I understand, but it’s not funny. People take their lives like a game. They think it’s a joke. Do you know why I’m successful and the reason why I have a Go, Go, Go mindset and I’m going to conquer the world? Because life isn’t a game to me. When someone rejects me or someone makes me feel like shit or I even make myself feel like shit, I look at that in the mirror and I say, “I need to change this. I need to transform from this. I need to work on this. If I don’t, I’m giving up on myself.” If I say a negative thing about this situation or that situation or myself, I’m giving up on myself every single second. Your self-deprecating humor doesn’t serve you and that’s not even a thing. That’s beautiful humor. Humor that’s about something funny that you saw or joke that you just made or whatever it is. Step into that power. Once you do, you’re going to start looking at your life completely different. You’re going to look in the mirror and you’re not going to say any jokes. You’re going to say a joke about your eyebrows, your nose, your lips, about your body, the way you eat, anything. Only positivity is going to come in. You ever heard of being impeccable with your word? Impeccability, do you know what it means? 

Yes.

Being impeccable with your word starts in your mind. Do you know what you’re saying when you say something negative about yourself or a joke? There are a million things that you’ve been saying in your mind about yourself. That’s one phrase that you said. There’s way more that’s going on up there. Start with your mind, baby steps. In your story, what are you going to do for a week? 

Speak to the people, positive self-talk only.

Why?

Words are everything.

When you’re speaking to them, who are you speaking to? 

Myself.

If you’re positive, how are people going to react?

Positively.

What do you want in your life? 

All positivity.

Why? 

That’s what I need and that’s what I want.

That’s not what you need. That’s what you always want. Huge difference. I’m going to hold you accountable for seven days. If you read this podcast all the way through, you probably related in some way, shape or fashion. We all have shit from our past that keeps on coming up that we just don’t fucking deal with. We try and put it in the back of our minds but eventually the shit comes up.

It manifests so badly into everything.

That’s the truth. Soon enough, it turns into food. You said you have something that goes on with food?

I have a history of anorexia.

That all comes from past experiences. I’m excited for you to take the next step and level up. This is the first step in the journey. I want you to come on another podcast. It’s not going to be talking about your problems. It’s going to be talking about all the good and the positivity and love and the compassion and the steps that you took and all this shit. It’s going to be beautiful. I can’t wait for people to hear it. Everyone that’s reading still to this point, they took something from it 100%. They felt some shit or they’re going through something similar. Always know whether you are reading or watching, you are not alone ever. There’s always someone that’s going through a similar situation or even worse than you. Stay up, stay positive, create you, ignite your breakthrough and bring your vision to life. It’s baby steps. A hundred yards start now, first step. Madison, what would you like to say to the people? Give us something. 

I promise I’m not as negative as I seem.

Even right there, you’re worried about how people perceived you. Did you hear that? 

Yes.

That’s negative self-talk. What’s something that you could tell the people? Go ahead.

If you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. No matter what.

Give them something positive. Something that isn’t about fixing someone or healing something, whatever. Give them something that you believe in, what’s on that you believe in? 

That we are products of our past, but we’re not prisoners of it. You can get through absolutely anything.

Why? 

You are strong and you are worth it.

That’s beautiful. Thanks for tuning in for another episode of the CreateU Experience. If you want to follow Madison on Instagram, it’s @Ricebowll. Watch her journey. She’s a badass. She’s going to make some shit happen and I’m excited to watch it firsthand. I love you and appreciate you. You don’t even know how much I appreciate you, but what I do know is that you’re going to transform a million lives. You, Ricebowll, and everyone reading, you don’t even know it yet. Your impact is grand. Whether you walk into Chipotle and you order a double wrap burrito or you buy something from Best Buy or you’re snowboarding down a mountain, you have an impact, even if you feel like you’re worth nothing. This is Madison and we’ll see you next time. Peace.

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About Madison Rice

CUE 70 | Dealing With TraumaMadison is a personal trainer in the Denver area. She specializes in crossfit and olympic lifting.

One Reply to “Episode 70: Getting Past Traumas With Madison Rice”

  1. I’ve listened to this more times than I can legit count Everything you said about past hurts and past traumas is spot on.things that happened to me as a young girl ( being abused) totally followed me all my life until I made peace with all of it. I had to forgive my own mother in order for me to grow and heal. Which made me a much better person not only to her, but to myself and also to other people as well. I understand empathy in a very real way because it’s different than sympathy and it removes you from victim status. I have gotten help for my own shit and am so ready to help my daughter. I will Own up to whatever she feels I’ve done to hurt her even if she’s never told what those things are, I’m willing to listen and do whatever it takes to make sure she knows I do love her and always have. . I have been ready to meet Madison for 5 years. My heart breaks that she believes she’s unloved and not supported. I want her to know she is. I have made many efforts to reach out to her all of which have been blocked by her. But I’m willing to take the first step here where I hope she will read it and know that this mother aches inside for a relationship with her. I was a very overprotective mother and I know I smothered her to death with my super human mom skills that at the time I thought was what a good mother should do who views her children as gifts from God. All of them wanted, all of them loved. Whatever is hurting Madison, I’m ready to hear it, own up if I did something bad, and talk about how I feel too. Together she and I can fix this. But like you said, it takes two to tango. I can’t help fix it if I can’t get ahold of her because I’m blocked everywhere. I made mistakes. I know which ones I made I just have no idea which ones she thinks I’ve made. So I can’t ask for forgiveness until she tells me how she feels I hurt her. She is my joy. My heart. I can’t go on with things the way they are. I need to mend fences, talk it out, apologize where needed but I can’t do it if she continually blocks me. I would do anything in this world for to know that I love her unconditionally. There’s always two sides to every story. And she has hurt me too. And this podcast broke me to listen to, but I’ve listened to it over and over and now I’m stepping up. I’d like for us to talk about that. Healing can never come if we don’t sit down face to face, eye to eye and just talk it out. I know it’s fixable. But she has to be willing to participate even if it’s uncomfortable at first, it will get easier as we both learn how both of us may have hurt each other and what steps can we take together to forgive and heal and live life. Because all we have is now. Yesterday is over and tomorrow is not a given. I’m ready. I’ve been ready. That’s the love of my life right there. She means everything to me. And if I did wrong by her, then I’ll apologize sincerely and ask for forgiveness. But it goes both ways in order for this to work. You really can’t go bashing your mom all the time and never give me the opportunity to even talk it through or work through it together. I can’t fix it by myself. It doesn’t work that way. Hearing your words about how you feel about me breaks my heart because I can’t wrap my arms around you and even ask you where I went wrong or what did I do. I need you to tell me where you’ve been hurt. What where when how. We have to talk so I can even begin to help not only you heal but me too. I deserve to know I’m loved just as much as you do. And it’s obvious when you talk about me that it makes me feel that I too am so unloved. But we can fix that. Madison, if you’re ever able to read this please know this: I am in horrific emotional pain with us not having a relationship. I pray for you’re safety everyday and often I cry myself to sleep because I miss you more than you apparently know. Reach out to me please. I’m here and I’m ready. I want you to be a whole person, happy, successful, supported and loved. Don’t fear me please, IYou are my only daughter and how I wished for you under a snowy moon. ( a song I wrote for you that I know you remember) I’m not the enemy. we seriously just need to come together and get it all out. I am more than confidant that if you reach out to me (because I don’t know your number and I don’t know your address) so I can’t write you, and I can’t call you. I can’t even email you and I’m blocked from all forms of social media. So here I am. Reaching out to you in the only way I can. I’ve been trying to reach you through other people to no avail. So here it is. You have openly talked about me with possible hatred towards me and I could be angry about what you’ve said for everyone to hear, but I’m not angry. I’m hurting too. Call your Mom. I’m so ready to heal us both no matter what we have to do to get it done right, count me in. You ARE loved. You are my child. I am your mother. I will always love you until my last breath. But let’s not wait that long. Let’s just do it. I want you to know and feel you are loved by me and your happiness means everything to me. With love and an open heart, I wait for your response. Please reach out. You won’t be disappointed I promise you that. Love, your Mana from Delaware. I love you with all my heart and soul. DONNA Rice. March 2nd 2020. I’ll even fly out to see you. On your turf, on your terms. Just let go and let healing begin. Let go and let it happen. Please don’t carry this weight with you forever. It isn’t worth it and I know that’s a fact. I’m here for you. The ball is in your court my Flower. ❤️

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